Here it is!!!!

Cancun means snake nest. If I had known that before, I would have never gone there. But, this trip was definitely a divine calling. I had no plans, no maps, no reservations, no GPS, no directions, no habla espanol. But the most important thing was that I was placed in IMMENSE solitude and  silence. The first day, I was very uncomfortable. It made me look inward and I am not used to that. I was beginning to question the purpose of existence. I mean, WHY are we here? For making money, enjoying the pleasures, being good to others???  WHAT is the point?

But, by the time I left, I realized that solitude and silence are the ultimate ways to be one with the Infinite. After all, Buddha, Jesus, and all the great ones had to go through years of it to maintain their serenity, peace, and bliss.

I have definitely not got answers to my questions. It is okay, I will keep seeking. It took the great Enlightened one 39 days in a forest. I am a mere mortal, I can wait longer. Most important thing is, I feel initiated on this spiritual journey. Cancun vacation turned out to be my pilgrimage. I am so glad I went alone to a place where it was a chore to talk, even for me , with native spanish.

I am beginning to think the reason for life is to seek this ultimate truth. To be one with nature. To feel the great bliss of being one with the Infinite, being the infinite.

I am going to do this travelling once a year without my husband. My daughter proves to be a great travel companion.

On my birthday, I have promised myself a few gifts:

1. slow down,

2. 1 hour of silence and solitude everyday in the morning,

3. being humble enough to pray for what I seek everyday, being grateful is not enough, aspirations are necessary.

4. I am only accountable to myself.

Also, I was surprised at how my last blog on Carly’s last 2 paragraphs applied to me to the point. We did have 2 hour breakfasts!!!!

Between Osama and Carly I have read a few more books about Bill Clinton (Giving), Barrack Obama (Audacity of Hope), Neil Armstrong (A Giant Leap), Einstein and a non-fiction by Nelson Demille (Wildfires). The only one I was close to blog about was Wildfires, it had a strange view on Iraq war and was written with humor.

I like reading biographies  and auto-biographies because people interest me. I picked Carly because I was eyeing it sometime ago and now I had a chance to read it. I wanted to know what would a labeled loser like her have to say? How will she be able to self-portray her public-perceived flaws? How does she make peace with the society that hated her? It does take a lot of courage and perspective. I will also definitely give you my word, along the same lines I will read GWB’s book as soon as he writes(??).

The book was a short one, a quick read. I learnt so much about her and how the media was focusing on her looks and gender instead of her performance. All leaders have to pay a price, Carly paid it to press. While her decision of the HP-Compaq merger was highly criticized, there are a lot who believe it laid the foundations for HP to perform better than Dell after she left HP itself. Sometimes, timing is everything. I don’t know if she was a great leader or not, but she was honest and candid, qualities I admire, which ex-CEOs of TYCO, ENRON, and WORLDCOM and Larry of Oracle don’t possess. Even if she did make a stupid decision, the court itself decided in 2002 it was not based on corruption on her part. She did what she truly believed in.

Some excerpts I liked &/or agree with:

My boss was absolutely right (on not taking a hard job), and it was why I wanted to go. It was brand-new. Every one was trying to figure it out. Maybe I could help. It was chaotic - maybe that would be exciting. It was difficult work - I wanted a challenge. It didn’t bother me that it wasn’t a typical move. I was looking for interesting work where I could make a real difference.

xxxx

That night, after I’d cried long enough, I made a decision. I would not cry again over others’ prejudice. Sure, what people thought or said about me might hurt. What people did to me might hurt as well, but I would not carry their narrow-mindedness or bias as my burden…I would accomplish all I was capable of. I would concentrate on doing what I believed were the right things for the right reasons to the best of my ability. Some, perhaps even many, might believe I couldn’t or shouldn’t , do what I chose. That would be their problem, not mine. They would not wound me again. I had decided once that my life was my own. Now I decided my heart would be my own as well.

…since 1986 I have saved my tears for more important things: my family, the beauty of nature, Beethoven, a dear friend, the goodness of people, their wisdom, their tragedies or their triumphs.

xxxx

I love to watch the sun rise and the sun set. I take comfort in the everyday event and feel wonder knowing that it will never be the same. I love the slower, natural cadence of my life. i love to fall asleep at night and awake when I choose. I love to do something on the spur of the moment…I love to spend a day, as I am today, in the company of children with nothing particular to do and nowhere particular to go.

I believe I have been blessed all my life. I feel blessed today - blessed to have had the opportunities and the experiences…